The word “grammar” invokes many unhappy memories of inept writing in elementary school, a.k.a. grammar school.  At times, the rules of grammar and good usage seemed misplaced, and at other times, did not make sense.  Nonetheless, by necessity, I became a student of grammar, and have collected several books on the subject — for no good reason.  

My all-time favorite grammar book comprises a spoof on grammar rules, but with real impact.  See Safire, William, Fumble Rules— A Lighthearted Guide to Grammar and Good Usage, New York: Doubleday (1990.)  For over 30 years, William Safire (1929—2009) wrote two weekly columns for The New York Times: (1) a syndicated political column, as a self-defined Libertarian Conservative; and (2) the “On Language” column in the weekly The New York Times Magazine.  In the latter, he pondered many interesting facts, little used words, and proper grammar usage.  In 1978, Safire won the Pulitzer Prize for distinguished commentary.  

In his book: Fumble Rules, Safire pontificates fifty (50) grammar rules, each intentionally violating the very rule espoused, in hilarious fashion with witty turns of phrase to memorialize frequent grammatical and good usage errors. 

A collection of my ten favorite Fumble Rules follow:

Rule 1:  “No sentence fragments!” (p1) 

Rule 5:  “Don’t use contractions in formal writing!” (p13)

Rule 14:  “Don’t use no double negatives!” (p40) 

Rule 20:  “Verbs has to agree with their subjects!”  (p58) 

Rule 23:  “And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction!” (67)

Rule 27:  “Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do!” (p78)

Rule 29:  “Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.”  (p85)

Rule 41:  “Remember to never split an infinitive.” (p122)

Rule 49:  “Never use prepositions to end a sentence with!”  (p146) 

Rule 50:  “Last but not least, avoid cliches like a plague” (p149)

Safire includes 40 more Fumble Rules to the delight of the reader — or of the teacher of good writing.  He follows each rule with a brief humorous discussion of the rule.  It’s worthy of a prominent place on a writer’s library shelf.