Curses

A curse defined: “an utterance intended to invoke a supernatural power to inflict harm or punishment on someone or something.” (dictionary.com.) Familiar fairy tales introduced curses, usually by a witch casting a spell, which changed the hero into a different form, like a frog; or suspended the heroine into a long sleep. But more interesting curses exist.

Many simply identify as “a Chinese curse.” A few of them follow:

— “May all your dreams come true!” Though initially sounding wonderful, one must recognize that many dreams become nightmares, which few people would wish on a friend or loved one.

— “May your every wish be granted!” On the surface, this curse appears beneficial, but many of us wish for things or relationships that are not in our best interest.

— “May you live in interesting times!” Again, this curse appears as a favorable blessing, but wars, pestilence, and insurrections remain the fodder of “interesting times.” Peace and tranquility may be a wonderful time to live, but unfortunately do not qualify as interesting times.

The Irish produce vile curses, most of which arose centuries ago, often steeped in the Roman Catholic tradition. A sampling below:

— “May you marry in haste, and repent at leisure!” Under church rules, premarital sex constituted a mortal sin, potentially condemning the perpetrators to the fires of Hell. To marry in haste meant the familiar “shotgun” ceremony, which arose when a young woman became pregnant before marriage. Repent in leisure meant that the divine condemnation remained until forgiven by confession, so if a person died before confessing his sin, he would go to hell.

— “May you get the runs on your wedding night!” Under the strict Catholic rules, couples must forego sex until after their wedding. Accordingly, the wedding night became the most wonderful night of one’s life, which would be spoiled and soiled by diarrhetic unpleasantness.

— “May you be plagued with a powerful itch, and not have the nails to scratch it!” No mincing words here! An itch is a most agonizing annoyance, so without means to scratch it brings unending grief.

Lastly, a Venezuelan curse:

— “May you find yourself between lawyers!” This curse raises fear to another plateau. While the lawyers fight, of course, the client must pay their fees.